Back To The Drawing Board
I hope SOMEONE noticed I have taken yet another hiatus from blogging. While the reason for not writing regularly is usually because of my illness, I have some good news. THIS time it is because I got a job. That's right! My first job since I fell gravely ill with Lyme Disease. My intensive antibiotic treatment that I have been on for the past year has given me almost all my energy back. I feel so different and it is wonderful. I am able to walk my dog...heck, I'm able to walk OTHER people's dogs but more on that in a minute. The treatment I have been doing has been very difficult. I have spent months throwing up, dizzy, herxing, and feeling some of the worst pain of my life. It all has been worth every agonizing minute because I came out the other side a healthier person. I would say I am healthier than I have been in maybe 10 years. When I began treatment in February, 2014 I was tested for Lyme Disease and many of it's co-infections that are common to piggyback with the Lyme bug into one's system. It was determined that I most definitely had Lyme as shown in the Western Blot Test but I also had something called Bartonella. After 10 months of the intensive antibiotic regiment I re-tested. The test showed that I had rid my body of the Bartonella! SUCH encouraging news! Now, 4 months later, I am doing a mild antibiotic treatment to attack the Lyme it's self.
The reason I am doing a milder schedule is because of the aforementioned job I got. In October I was perusing Craigslist casually. I saw a job that I felt really fit my situation, abilities and needs. I felt I was uniquely perfect for them as well. The job is for a pet company. I am the many-hat-wearing administrative assistant. I think all admins wear many hats but this turned out to be many, many, many hats imo. The pros were many; The job was part time. This means that I can come home in the middle of the day for much needed naps. The job was mostly sitting. This means that I have the opportunity for exercise but I always have that chair if needed and it was needed. The job was working with dogs, lots of them. This means that I can get the emotional support I need if the job gets too overwhelming for my damaged brain. The tough parts of the job as I figured when I started it were going to be the occasional walking (I may not have the strength), the commute (I moved shortly after getting the job, making it a bit more tricky to just pop in and pop out) and the computer system I would have to learn and use regularly (yes, there is a software system just for pet sitting and dog walking!). The latter was the least of my worries. I had mastered WineMaker DataBase in about 6 or 7 months and I don't think anything is more confusing than that. Specially when I was working with a highly modified system in WWDB.
Wouldn't you know it, everything turned out to be quite the opposite. The walking of the dogs was the simplest thing I had on my bill. I looked forward to getting out of the office with one or sometimes two dogs. We would often sprint for much of our walks. I had carved out a walking path that measures exactly 2 miles. I would time myself to see how fast I can do the same distance. Of course, that rarely told me anything because the speed you walk a dog is mostly up to the dog! At least, that is how I walk the dogs. I like to let them be free and, for the most part, choose the pace. The harder part of the job was sort of the software program. I say sort of because there are other factors involved. The hard part centered in the program but it was how I was taught (being thrown to the wolves) and how I received the information that is to go into the database.
I get along with everyone. Everyone likes me. I do that on purpose. I don't always like people and I often have said I could never work with people but that is all intertwined. I am good at making people feel at ease but at the expense of my own happiness and/or sanity. Sitting at the pet company desk I get bombarded with emails, phone calls, texts and walk-ins. Most of the hundreds and hundreds of clients have some sort of special request. Add to that the special deals the owner has made with a select few and you get a thoroughly confused Lyme Patient. I had one person making tiny changes in scheduled walks all the way through the summer, 3 months away and I have others making huge changes at the last second, only to change the changes without telling me. I had all the walkers dispatched in the field to make sure things go smoothly for. I had the owner's elusive schedule to keep track of. It was, as my boss says, too many balls in the air.
I had to leave the job. The pay was peanuts. I basically wanted the job because I wanted to keep busy. It became more than that. It was a source of stress, confusion and frustration. Not good for anyone involved. So I quit to become a housewife once again. Before I quit I sat down with the BF and we talked it all out. He is so loving and supportive I feel undeserving of such a wonderful human being in my life, at my side. He told me that he supports any decision I make but he was always happiest when I was home. We got to go to bed together, wake up together, work out together. Then, while he was at work I got to look up recipes, do my shopping at local markets and make cheap, healthy, vegetarian meals for us. Turns out, I am very happy doing that as well.
Despite the general happiness I feel from being a stay at home...girl, I know I will end up with a feeling of emptiness creep back up on me. Just like it did before this job. The very reason I went looking for a job in the first place. What is it I need? I thought it was a need to be needed or useful. But I am needed and useful to the BF and my corgi. I now think it is a need to be a productive, contributing member of society. So, now that I have my energy back I am going to put that energy back into art. I am going to set up my easel, and more importantly, I am going to set up a writing desk. Yup, I'm going to write a book.
I have two themes for books to write and both can be done in the same style. I want to write a (slightly non-fictional if there is such a thing) book about an alternative, intelligent, attractive and clueless teenager in the early 90's. The other book subject I would like to write is travel. Both these book series will be done in a sort of first person diary style. I want to take the reader along with me into the world of the teenage girl and all her insecurities and thoughts. I want to take the reader to the lands, cities, villages and cultures that I write about.
If anyone reading this has any information on how to write a book I am very open to help. I can begin with just writing and see where it goes and how it forms but if there is a website, a book, anything that might offer structure, advice, direction and insight I would love to know about it. I have been doing lots of research trying to find similar books to what I want to do. Most of the first person, teenage books I have found are about abused, wild teens or those with eating disorders or other mental illnesses and addictions. I want to make a book about a normal girl who is just slightly more pretty, slightly more intelligent and slightly different. In 1990 I began a journal where I wrote down what I did every single day. I did this for at least three years straight. I want to use these diaries to write my book. I also have many, many cartoons and drawings made by me and my close friends that we passed as notes and that I have saved this whole time.
So, I tried my hand at working and it wasn't my thing. I am back to where I started only now I am much healthier. I hope I can create something that others can enjoy. WML!
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